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We won’t judge you for being curious (we are, too): Can women really, um, squirt? You’ve seen it in so many pornos you’ve lost count and when you talk to that one dude who always brags about his sex life (and his size), he can’t stop going on-and-on about how he makes his girlfriend ‘come’ every time they get naked. Yes, you can make your girlfriend ejaculate. But while squirting — or its actual term, female ejaculation — isn’t a myth or impossible, it’ll take some true studying of her body, practice and being very comfortable with a big mess (hey, she’s been putting up with yours all this time) to make magic happen in the bedroom.

“Before talking about squirting, it’s important to know a little bit about the female anatomy,” psychologist and sexual expert Dr. Rachel Needle says. “Female ejaculation is characterized by the expulsion of a significant quantity of fluid from the woman’s urethra during orgasm. Many people refer to this as ‘squirting’ or ‘gushing.'”

So how do you make your girlfriend squirt? Experts give you the dirty run-down on female ejaculation, along with some things you likely never knew about your leading lady’s body parts:

1. What’s Happening, Physically?

It might seem sexy to ‘turn on a girl so much that she squirts’ — but without knowing the physical reasons that her body is responding in this way, it’ll be hard to begin the process of helping her orgasm in such a powerful way.

“Female ejaculation is often associated with the G-spot, which is said to be located in the anterior vaginal wall, halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix along the urethra. While everyone has heard of the G-spot, many people don’t know about the Skene’s glands,” Needle explains. “Skene’s glands are sometimes referred to as the ‘female prostate” for anatomical analogy. The male prostate is responsible for generating most of the content of seminal fluid. By analogy, the ‘female prostate’ is thought to produce the content of female ejaculate.”

Makes sense, right? Though you can likely stimulate most every woman’s G-spot, causing them to feel a deeper, more intense pleasure during intercourse, fingering play or oral sex, Needle notes that not every woman’s Skene’s glands (remember: the female prostate that produces liquid like your prostate) are developed enough to make large quantities of female ejaculate. Also, your girlfriend might not even know that you’re starting to engage those glands because for most women, the sensation feels the same as if she was about to urinate, so they naturally hold back.

2. Does Squirting Mean It’s The Best Orgasm Ever?

During intercourse or oral sex, the moment that feels the absolute best for you is when you’re releasing into your girl (or on her somewhere) — but that same moment might be as intense as it is for women, even if they are releasing female ejaculate. In fact, sex experts will tell you that while the challenge may be pretty hot for you, it’s important to remember that for women, a great orgasm is a great orgasm, and doesn’t require a liquid release to be pleasurable.

“There is little evidence that stimulating the G-spot or an ejaculatory orgasm is more enjoyable or intense. More lubrication is not equivalent to greater orgasmic intensity or pleasure, and emitting a fluid is not prima facie evidence for greater arousal or more pleasure,” Needle explains. “Most women don’t ejaculate with orgasm, and their orgasms and sexual response are still just as pleasurable as those who do.”

3. How Do You Make It Happen?

Even though it might not be the most extreme orgasm of her life, if you want to try to see if you can get her to squirt (or she’s curious too!), it can be a fun way to shake up your go-to sexual routine with a goal in mind. Before any clothes come off or anyone touches anyone, the biggest factor to pay attention to is relaxation. It can be difficult for a woman to allow herself to let go and be in the moment, and any holding back will prevent her from releasing tension that leads to female ejaculation.

“After she uses the restroom — so she’s not worried about urinating when she’s actually about to squirt — tell her to lay back, relax and enjoy the sensations she feels.This is where foreplay comes in,” Dr. Melissa Fogel, psychologist and clinical sex expert, suggests. “Foreplay is important not only to ensure she is sufficiently relaxed, but in order to make a girl squirt her G-spot needs to be adequately simulated for a prolonged amount of time.”

4. Don’t Be Afraid Of Lube

Fogel says that while you might want her to just be wet out of pure pleasure, there’s no shame in having as much lube as possible to start engaging her body for a long time. “Using enough lubrication is important to make her G-spot ready and to prevent any discomfort that may arise due to friction,” she suggests. “A water-based lube works best. Make sure not only to apply it to the outside and inside of her vagina, but to your fingers and palm as well. Once everything is sufficiently wet, you can start working on her G-spot.”

5. Really Nurture The G-spot

Once you’ve done all the prep work, now you’re actually in for the hard work of getting her to the point of squirting. Because female ejaculation can only really happen when you spend an extended amount of time — think up to an hour — focused solely on her G-spot, make sure you’re prepared for a lot of trial and error. Fogel recommends beginning with oral and finger play.

“Use oral sex to stimulate and arouse her clitoris. After doing this for a few minutes, insert your middle finger inside her; palm facing up. With your finger in about two inches deep, rub her front vaginal wall using a ‘come hither’ motion. After using this motion for several minutes you can add your middle finger and experiment with different amounts of pressure and movement,” Fogel explains. You’ll know that this combination of oral sex and fingering is working when her G-spot becomes enlarged and feels spongy. This means that the frontal wall of her vagina is swollen with liquid from those Skene’s glands, Fogel says.

6. When She Squirts

Once you’ve gotten to this point, it’s time to switch the position of your hands. This switch will continue to stimulate her G-spot and will get her to the point of squirting whatever liquid she is able to produce. “Move your hand so that your palm is resting on her clitoris with your fingers inside her, as if you are cupping her clit,” Fogel says. “Now, begin to move your entire hand up and down, which will hit her G-spot with your fingers at the same time you are stimulating her clitoris with your lubricated palm.”

This is the time when you watch her react so you can maintain a steady rhythm and pace, as you apply more and more pressure to her G-spot. This is the point when she should release female ejaculate. “You may need to remind her to relax by telling her to ‘let go,'” Fogel says. “As an added bonus to ensure she squirts, you can use your other hand to press on the area below her belly button, which will make her squirt more easily.”

Of course, if she doesn’t end up squirting, don’t be too disappointed. This isn’t something that comes naturally to every woman. And if she does, enjoy the clean-up!

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