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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: Lover I met at a party is bigger and far better than my husband



I HAD an affair with a guy who I met at a party. The sex was awesome and I can’t get it out of my head.

My husband and I had split for a while and we desperately needed that break. It was nobody’s fault but so much had gone wrong, such as him hating his job and his big brother dying, then my best friend moved away.

I’m 26 and he’s 28. We have two little children to care for on top of it all and the stress got too much for us both.

We were arguing morning to night and it got to be violent, I’m really ashamed to admit.

Not real nasty stuff, just some pushing and shoving but, when I hit him, I knew that he had to move out.

He went to stay with a friend and I missed him so much but we both knew that we needed to have time apart.

I went to a party one night while my mum stayed the night to look after the kids. I didn’t expect to have fun but I did.

I met this amazingly good-looking guy who turned out to be the same age as me. We spent the night flirting and he gave me his number. I called him when I got back home.

We met up at lunchtime the next day and had sex in his car. He is so well endowed and it was totally awesome — and totally wrong, I know.

For two mad, crazy weeks we met up when we could and we somehow had sex every time.

Then my husband found out. He saw the guy dropping me back off at home. We both cried and we got back together again.
I love him so much. He’s my soulmate and rock and we’ve not argued since. So why can’t I put that guy out of my mind?

I don’t really like him but the sex was like nothing on earth and I still can’t get over his size.

My husband isn’t so well-endowed and I know I won’t have sex as good as that ever again.

LIRA SAYS: Sex was amazing but then it came without strings and with no questions asked, no complications on the side, simply sex on a plate. If you stayed with that guy, then the magic would very soon fade.

So forget about him, use your head and your heart and focus on your sex life with your husband. It can be just as good and, in fact, so much better as it comes with real love.

Your husband may not have the inches the other man has but good sex isn’t just a question of size.

My e-leaflets Manhood Too Small? and Real Secrets Of Great Sex will give you both lots of ideas.

Make time for each other, and not just in bed. Not easy, I know, with two small children but do call on your mum to help out regularly so the two of you get to unwind. Don’t wait for a crisis.
If tempers start fraying again, stop and take ten. Don’t go back to behaving the same way.

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Dear Lira

SIBLING ATTRACTION: I am deeply in love with my half-sister even though I am engaged



She had married and had a girl. She is now 22.

I was nervous but the family were warm and friendly. My half-sister was kind and very attractive. There seems to be such a bond between us.

I can’t stop thinking about her in a sexual way. Neither of us has mentioned that night but I think more about her than I do my fiancée.

LIRA SAYS: A strong attraction to a sibling you haven’t grown up with is a well-known phenomenon.

But I am afraid that a sexual relationship with your newly found half-sister is against the law. It counts as incest.

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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I met my girlfriend’s parents and realised I once slept with her father



Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?

I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.

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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA!!! I want to be with my lover full-time but that seems like an impossible dream




AFTER 27 years of marriage, I have fallen in love for the first time. I want to be with my lover full-time but that seems like an impossible dream.

My husband and I are both 51. For the past few years he’s had problems performing in bed. Sex became a chore so we gave up. I realised in time I still wanted intimacy in my life but those sad, sleazy websites for cheats are not for me.

Then my boss sent me on a training course. It included an overnight stay and that’s when my love life fell into place. I went to a bar in the evening and got chatted up by this wonderful man. He’s two years older than me and it was like we had already met in a previous life.

We had sex that night. It was intense and wonderful. We hugged as we parted the next day. He lives up north and I live in London but we still exchanged numbers and hoped for the best. He texted me later that day and every day since.

It’s hard to arrange but we’ve managed to meet up three times. The sex is like nothing I have ever experienced before. It gets better each time and we’ve fallen in love. His wife found out about us but she has a good lifestyle she won’t throw away.

My husband found out but he hates making waves and agreed we could meet now and then. I want to leave him and be with the man that I love. I live on edge, hoping my husband won’t see all the emails I send to my lover, then sometimes wishing he would.

There seems no solution to this. I’ve got two daughters and my lover has sons. They are no longer children but are still young enough to be hurt.

Dear Naledi

You are playing with fire and living on dreams.

You’ve sent lots of emails and texts but have only met up with your lover four times. Is that enough to know he is The One? It seems more likely to me that you are using each other as a distraction from your lacklustre marriages. That isn’t unusual but keep your eyes open in case this backfires.

What if your husband decides that enough is enough, that he can’t stand you cheating and finds somebody else? What if your lover puts pressure on you to leave home?I’m not sure you want that as much as you say.

Suggest that you take a break from each other – for three months, say – while you give your life-partners the time and attention they need. Ask your husband to see his GP in case he has a medical problem that needs sorting.

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