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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I’m torn between my girlfriend and amazing sex with her flatmate — I feel guilty about cheating on her



DEAR LIRA: I HAD an amazing night of sex with my girlfriend’s flatmate.

She now says she wants a full-blown affair with me.

She is really imaginative in bed and I am tempted.

My regular girlfriend and I are on and off like a light switch. I’ve cheated on her, she’s cheated on me.

When it is good, it is great but when things are not going right, being with her is a drag.

We have been together for more than a year now.

She is 24 and shares a flat with two other girls. I share with my older brother and another guy. I am 26.

 We had a real connection and ripped each other's clothes off

We had a real connection and ripped each other’s clothes off

Our last row was over me finding her texting her ex — she had cheated on me with him before.

One night my girlfriend and her flatmate came round to my flat when my brother and flatmate were out.

They had some weed and invited me to join them for a smoke which sounded wonderful after the rotten day I’d had at work.

I got talking with the flatmate, who is 23, and we discovered we had a lot in common — dads who gambled and mums who drank.

 Our infidelity has made me question what I want

Our infidelity has made me question what I want

We instantly connected. My girlfriend got really out of it so I took her home to bed, and then her flatmate and I sat talking.

In no time we were kissing on the sofa. We both knew what we wanted so we moved into the bedroom, tearing off our clothes on the way.

The sex was mind-blowing and we were at it all night.

My girlfriend and I have since talked seriously about our relationship.

She swears she never did anything with her ex.

I find that hard to believe but we have decided to give things another go.

I regret it already. Her flatmate has been texting me, wanting to meet again.

She said she had always fancied me and is offering herself on a plate, with no strings.

It is a better prospect than waiting for the next row with my girlfriend but I feel guilty, knowing I’ve cheated.

On the other hand, when we were having sex the other night, all I could think of was her flatmate.

LIRA SAYS I can see it’s tempting but you need to talk seriously to both girls – separately.

Does your girlfriend’s flatmate realise that a fling with you will almost certainly mean either she or your girlfriend will have to move out?

It is a big upheaval for some no-strings sex.

Even if she is still up for ongoing sex, say she needs to take a step back while you sort things out with your girlfriend, one way or another.

Talk to your girlfriend again. Can you realistically make it work when you both repeatedly cheat?

It seems neither of you is ready to settle down. If you’re not sure if it will work, better end it than let things messily drag on.

Then you will be free to be with her flatmate – but I’d be amazed if she will be happy with no-strings sex for long.

Once your girlfriend is out of the picture I suspect she will see a vacancy.

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Dear Lira

SIBLING ATTRACTION: I am deeply in love with my half-sister even though I am engaged



She had married and had a girl. She is now 22.

I was nervous but the family were warm and friendly. My half-sister was kind and very attractive. There seems to be such a bond between us.

I can’t stop thinking about her in a sexual way. Neither of us has mentioned that night but I think more about her than I do my fiancée.

LIRA SAYS: A strong attraction to a sibling you haven’t grown up with is a well-known phenomenon.

But I am afraid that a sexual relationship with your newly found half-sister is against the law. It counts as incest.

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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I met my girlfriend’s parents and realised I once slept with her father



Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?

I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.

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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA!!! I want to be with my lover full-time but that seems like an impossible dream




AFTER 27 years of marriage, I have fallen in love for the first time. I want to be with my lover full-time but that seems like an impossible dream.

My husband and I are both 51. For the past few years he’s had problems performing in bed. Sex became a chore so we gave up. I realised in time I still wanted intimacy in my life but those sad, sleazy websites for cheats are not for me.

Then my boss sent me on a training course. It included an overnight stay and that’s when my love life fell into place. I went to a bar in the evening and got chatted up by this wonderful man. He’s two years older than me and it was like we had already met in a previous life.

We had sex that night. It was intense and wonderful. We hugged as we parted the next day. He lives up north and I live in London but we still exchanged numbers and hoped for the best. He texted me later that day and every day since.

It’s hard to arrange but we’ve managed to meet up three times. The sex is like nothing I have ever experienced before. It gets better each time and we’ve fallen in love. His wife found out about us but she has a good lifestyle she won’t throw away.

My husband found out but he hates making waves and agreed we could meet now and then. I want to leave him and be with the man that I love. I live on edge, hoping my husband won’t see all the emails I send to my lover, then sometimes wishing he would.

There seems no solution to this. I’ve got two daughters and my lover has sons. They are no longer children but are still young enough to be hurt.

Dear Naledi

You are playing with fire and living on dreams.

You’ve sent lots of emails and texts but have only met up with your lover four times. Is that enough to know he is The One? It seems more likely to me that you are using each other as a distraction from your lacklustre marriages. That isn’t unusual but keep your eyes open in case this backfires.

What if your husband decides that enough is enough, that he can’t stand you cheating and finds somebody else? What if your lover puts pressure on you to leave home?I’m not sure you want that as much as you say.

Suggest that you take a break from each other – for three months, say – while you give your life-partners the time and attention they need. Ask your husband to see his GP in case he has a medical problem that needs sorting.

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