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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I’m having sex with my mum-in-law and I can’t stop

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When I first went to her house I couldn’t believe her mum’s age. She is 44.

My then wife-to-be told me, proudly, that all her boyfriends had fancied her mum. It seemed a strange thing to say.

That’s the odd thing about marrying someone from another culture — there’s so much that’s different and strange that I didn’t know what to believe.

Her mum owns a restaurant.

It’s a small, classy place and my mother-in-law took it on when my wife’s dad passed away.

She’s a very smart woman who knows how to run a good business and still have time off to have fun.

My wife covers for her in the restaurant alternate weekends and that’s when her mother is free to see me.

The first time it happened she came to our house where I was alone with our two-year-old son.

She said she was checking that I was behaving myself while my wife was away.

I poured her a drink and she pulled up her skirt while she sat next to me.

I caught sight of stockings, all lacy and black.

That’s something my wife knows I just can’t resist.

We had a couple more drinks then I couldn’t hold back any more.

We had sex on the sofa while my son slept upstairs.

This is now quite a regular thing.

We’ve progressed from suspenders and stockings to bondage and real kinky stuff like I’ve only ever dreamed of before.

I’ve never had this kind of sex with anyone else and I know I won’t get it again.

The sex is up there in a league of its own but then so is the guilt.

I know this must stop but my willpower is weak.

LIRA SAYS:

Are you asking for advice or boasting about what you have been up to?

You know what to do.

You must tell your mother-in-law that it’s all been amazing but you must stop now or your son and your wife, the two people you should love the most, will get desperately hurt.

Take control of your life and please don’t let your lust get the better of you.

Maybe you’re fooling yourself that your wife wouldn’t mind.

I bet that she would.

How is your sex life together?

Show her what you like but also focus on her.

Let go of other distractions and start giving your marriage the attention and love it deserves.

My e-leaflet How To Thrill a Woman in Bed can help.

Above all, think of your son.

Do your utmost to give him the calm loving home he deserves.

Victor Fungai Muzvidzwa is the founder and senior editor of HypeAvenue.com magazine.

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Dear Lira

SIBLING ATTRACTION: I am deeply in love with my half-sister even though I am engaged

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She had married and had a girl. She is now 22.

I was nervous but the family were warm and friendly. My half-sister was kind and very attractive. There seems to be such a bond between us.

I can’t stop thinking about her in a sexual way. Neither of us has mentioned that night but I think more about her than I do my fiancée.

LIRA SAYS: A strong attraction to a sibling you haven’t grown up with is a well-known phenomenon.

But I am afraid that a sexual relationship with your newly found half-sister is against the law. It counts as incest.

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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I met my girlfriend’s parents and realised I once slept with her father

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Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?

I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.

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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA!!! I want to be with my lover full-time but that seems like an impossible dream

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AFTER 27 years of marriage, I have fallen in love for the first time. I want to be with my lover full-time but that seems like an impossible dream.

My husband and I are both 51. For the past few years he’s had problems performing in bed. Sex became a chore so we gave up. I realised in time I still wanted intimacy in my life but those sad, sleazy websites for cheats are not for me.

Then my boss sent me on a training course. It included an overnight stay and that’s when my love life fell into place. I went to a bar in the evening and got chatted up by this wonderful man. He’s two years older than me and it was like we had already met in a previous life.

We had sex that night. It was intense and wonderful. We hugged as we parted the next day. He lives up north and I live in London but we still exchanged numbers and hoped for the best. He texted me later that day and every day since.

It’s hard to arrange but we’ve managed to meet up three times. The sex is like nothing I have ever experienced before. It gets better each time and we’ve fallen in love. His wife found out about us but she has a good lifestyle she won’t throw away.

My husband found out but he hates making waves and agreed we could meet now and then. I want to leave him and be with the man that I love. I live on edge, hoping my husband won’t see all the emails I send to my lover, then sometimes wishing he would.

There seems no solution to this. I’ve got two daughters and my lover has sons. They are no longer children but are still young enough to be hurt.

Dear Naledi

You are playing with fire and living on dreams.

You’ve sent lots of emails and texts but have only met up with your lover four times. Is that enough to know he is The One? It seems more likely to me that you are using each other as a distraction from your lacklustre marriages. That isn’t unusual but keep your eyes open in case this backfires.

What if your husband decides that enough is enough, that he can’t stand you cheating and finds somebody else? What if your lover puts pressure on you to leave home?I’m not sure you want that as much as you say.

Suggest that you take a break from each other – for three months, say – while you give your life-partners the time and attention they need. Ask your husband to see his GP in case he has a medical problem that needs sorting.

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