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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I’m having a really hot affair with another woman who only wants sex — should I leave my wife?

I’M married but having really hot sex with another woman. I am falling for her but she only wants sex.

I have never been faithful to any woman. I married at 19 because my girlfriend was pregnant.

I’m having really hot sex with another woman, but she’s colder on romance

We had another child two years later but I cheated throughout the marriage and we divorced after nine years.

It messed our children up badly. They are now in their teens and don’t speak to me.

I met my present partner ten years ago. I am 40, she is 37 and we have sons of eight and seven and a daughter of five.

I’ve cheated on her, too. Sometimes my cheating was long-term, sometimes one-offs.But it’s all changed since we got a new office manager at work. She is 30, beautiful, clever and funny. I went into work late one morning because I had been to the dentist. I offered to stay behind to finish my work and it ended up with just me and her there.

We got chatting and the atmosphere was electric. We started kissing and soon we were having sex in her office. I have started having real feelings for her but she has never wanted more than occasional sex. She says her career comes first and she does not want a complicated relationship.

Then my partner found some texts on my phone and realised what was going on. I moved out because I wanted a single life for a while but also to be near my other woman. I know she has strong feelings for me but probably not love.

My partner forgave me and I went back for the kids. I know this is not fair on my partner. She is amazing, except physically. She is overweight while my other woman is slim and toned.

Perhaps I should settle for second-best but I firmly believe that you only get one chance in life.

DEAR LIRE SAYS:  Your lover may be slim and fit but it doesn’t sound like deeply felt love on either side – more about lust, in fact. Even if you were with her, how long before your eye would wander again?

It’s not a question of settling for second-best now. You never commit to one person without thinking the grass may be greener elsewhere.

Chances are your problems go way back to childhood experiences. Did you live in an emotionally chaotic family? What was your parents’ relationship like?

Before you wake up one day and find your partner’s patience has run out, read my e-leaflet Can’t Be Faithful? and get help to stop your wanderlust.

End your affair and focus on your children and “amazing” partner.

Maybe she would find the incentive to get fit if she could tell you really cared. Try to rebuild your relationship with your older children too. They can only have one dad.


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