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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I’m 16 and cheated on my boyfriend by losing my virginity to a 40-year-old man

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD planned to lose my virginity to my boyfriend – but lost it to an older guy.

Now I am worried my boyfriend will know I am no longer a virgin.

 I lost my virginity to much older man
I lost my virginity to much older man

I am 16 and went with a friend to meet a guy she had been talking to online.

She is 17 and will sleep with anyone. This bloke lives a long way away so we went by train and he collected us from the station.

He seemed about 40 but nice, and she went upstairs with him while I stayed downstairs and looked at a magazine. I could hear them upstairs in the bedroom.

I became quite aroused and hot during all this, although I said I heard nothing when my mate came down and asked. I think she knew I was lying.

I said I thought he was fit and wouldn’t mind sleeping with him myself.

She told him when he came out of the shower. He said he would have sex with me, too, if I was sure it was what I wanted.

I said I was and he took me upstairs. I told him I was a virgin and he was very gentle.

He used lots of lubrication and talked me through what was going on.

After, he drove us to the station and we caught the train home.

My friend and I have been to his place a couple of times since.

My boyfriend, who is 17, is now talking about us having sex.

I do love him. My worry is that he will somehow know I have been with someone else and will see me as a cheat.

I have been to a clinic and got contraception, so at least I know I am not pregnant.

LIRA SAYS: You and your friend are lucky to be alive. This guy could have had all sorts of grim plans for what was to happen when you went into his house.

Please don’t ever do anything like that again.

My e-leaflet Staying Safe Online gives practical advice. Make sure your friend reads it and takes it on board, too.

Your boyfriend will not be able to tell for sure that you are not a virgin. The notion that your vagina is somehow “sealed” until you first have sex is a myth.

But quite apart from all the physical risks, it is best you save sex for someone you care for, who also cares for you and you have a proper relationship with.


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