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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I met my girlfriend’s parents and realised I once slept with her father



Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?

I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.

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Dear Lira

SIBLING ATTRACTION: I am deeply in love with my half-sister even though I am engaged



She had married and had a girl. She is now 22.

I was nervous but the family were warm and friendly. My half-sister was kind and very attractive. There seems to be such a bond between us.

I can’t stop thinking about her in a sexual way. Neither of us has mentioned that night but I think more about her than I do my fiancée.

LIRA SAYS: A strong attraction to a sibling you haven’t grown up with is a well-known phenomenon.

But I am afraid that a sexual relationship with your newly found half-sister is against the law. It counts as incest.

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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA!!! I want to be with my lover full-time but that seems like an impossible dream




AFTER 27 years of marriage, I have fallen in love for the first time. I want to be with my lover full-time but that seems like an impossible dream.

My husband and I are both 51. For the past few years he’s had problems performing in bed. Sex became a chore so we gave up. I realised in time I still wanted intimacy in my life but those sad, sleazy websites for cheats are not for me.

Then my boss sent me on a training course. It included an overnight stay and that’s when my love life fell into place. I went to a bar in the evening and got chatted up by this wonderful man. He’s two years older than me and it was like we had already met in a previous life.

We had sex that night. It was intense and wonderful. We hugged as we parted the next day. He lives up north and I live in London but we still exchanged numbers and hoped for the best. He texted me later that day and every day since.

It’s hard to arrange but we’ve managed to meet up three times. The sex is like nothing I have ever experienced before. It gets better each time and we’ve fallen in love. His wife found out about us but she has a good lifestyle she won’t throw away.

My husband found out but he hates making waves and agreed we could meet now and then. I want to leave him and be with the man that I love. I live on edge, hoping my husband won’t see all the emails I send to my lover, then sometimes wishing he would.

There seems no solution to this. I’ve got two daughters and my lover has sons. They are no longer children but are still young enough to be hurt.

Dear Naledi

You are playing with fire and living on dreams.

You’ve sent lots of emails and texts but have only met up with your lover four times. Is that enough to know he is The One? It seems more likely to me that you are using each other as a distraction from your lacklustre marriages. That isn’t unusual but keep your eyes open in case this backfires.

What if your husband decides that enough is enough, that he can’t stand you cheating and finds somebody else? What if your lover puts pressure on you to leave home?I’m not sure you want that as much as you say.

Suggest that you take a break from each other – for three months, say – while you give your life-partners the time and attention they need. Ask your husband to see his GP in case he has a medical problem that needs sorting.

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Dear Lira

DEAR LIRA: I cheated on my husband the night before our wedding… should I leave him?



DEAR LIRA: I’VE just married but the night before my wedding I was having sex with one of my clients.

I work for a marketing company and our place is rife with flirting and innuendo.

It’s a fun environment but almost everyone has skeletons in their closet — inappropriate relationships with clients.

I’m a woman of 32. I’d been engaged for three years and we got married at Easter. My husband is 35.

I always wanted to marry him but now I think I might have made a mistake.

Last year I was given a new project looking after a client who was promoting merchandise for the Commonwealth Games.

This drop-dead gorgeous guy came to our office for a meeting.

He’s 37 and he looked so handsome I was swooning as I made him a coffee.

That night I had just settled down to watch a soap on TV with a glass of wine when my phone rang. It was the client from work.

He asked me something trivial but then said, “Look, I’m sorry to call you so late but in all honesty, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

I cut the call short as my fiance was home but the next morning I called my client and we arranged to have lunch in a hotel in town.

We ended up taking a room — and called room service after we’d had the most amazing sex I had ever had.

I felt swept off my feet by this guy. His body was ripped and he really appreciated what I had to offer.

We’ve been meeting up for sex for months now — we even did it in the back of his car the night before my big day.

It was just great chemistry at first but now I have feelings for him. Should I walk out on my husband?

LIRA SAYS: What a mess. You’ve known this guy a short while but it seems like pure lust.

How did he feel about your wedding? Would he want a long-term committed relationship or are you just his bit of fun?

If it’s the latter, don’t jeopardise your marriage for the sake of secret quickie sex.

You’re bound to get rumbled and you’ll be the one having to explain yourself to family and friends. It won’t be pleasant.

Stop the affair and talk to your husband about injecting some spice into your relationship, having date nights and pepping up your flagging sex life.

My e-leaflet called 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help.

If you realise your marriage really isn’t right, then still give yourself some space away from your lover while you sort out your marriage one way or the other.


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