DEAR LIRA: I AM in love with two men and having sex with them both.
I love each of them in different ways but I know I must choose.
Things have not been right between me and my partner for a couple of years.
He does not want to spend time with me and, when he does, it is only for sex.
It often feels as if it’s all he wants me for.
I am 34 and he is 39.
Six months ago I discovered he was messaging other women and exchanging sexy photos with them.
I asked for a break in our relationship and he agreed. He moved out to live with a friend for a while.
I got talking to other men online and my whole life changed.
I hit it off with one particular guy.
We decided to meet over a drink and he gave me all the attention I had been yearning for with my partner.
Suddenly there was lots of talking and lots of focus on me. He made me feel good about myself.
Things heated up very fast. In the blink of an eye we were back at my place having wonderful sex together.
I never felt used, just valued. The tricky part is that I love him but I also still love my partner.
My partner and I got back together because I still have these feelings for him, but he works away a lot so it is not difficult for my lover and me to see one another.
My partner keeps promising to change but he always goes back to his old ways after a short while.
On the other hand, my new relationship scares me because there is no security.
He lives a long way from me and I worry that if I choose him over my partner and things go wrong, I will end up alone.
I know I ought to give up my lover and make a proper life with my partner but I just cannot bring myself to do it.
When I see my new man, all I can think of is the sex we will be having.
He is 31, so a bit younger than me, but a brilliant lover and takes time to find out just what feels best for me.
No man has ever cared so much about my feelings and welfare before.
LIRA SAYS: Have you and your lover talked about how you see the future? Does he know you have a partner?
The sex may be wonderful but do you enjoy one another’s company, go out to places together and feel like friends as well as lovers?
If you do, then ask him how he feels about your long-term future.
If he’s positive, you might always regret it if you don’t try getting together with him.
If it’s all about sex, you’d probably best accept that is all there is ever going to be.
In that case, best end it now before you get hurt and focus on whether you want to keep trying with your relationship or accept your partner will never change long-term and move on.