Unfortunate sexual fails happen to every man: Losing your hard-on at the very mention of the word “condom,” finishing a tad earlier than you wanted to, drinking a bit too much and passing out before you can actually orgasm with your girlfriend. Not only are these experiences totally common and extremely normal, but they’re all part of the way you learn how to become a great sexual partner and, well, be the kind of man that women lust after in bed. The key fact here is to take those blunders and learn from them as you evolve as a lover.
“Many women are pretty forgiving of men in their early to mid twenties as far as sex technique (or lack thereof). But, as women get a little older, quick foreplay leading to lazily performed missionary-only simply does not do the trick anymore! We want more,” says sexpert Coleen Singer. “We want more diversity. More creativity. And, most importantly, more attention to detail as far as what turns us on and satisfies us. Continuing to explore new styles and positions in bed not only excites your partner, but you’ll also find that she will put lots more energy back into your lovemaking, and your overall relationship. It’s a win-win!”
So what skills, positions and techniques should you know how to do in order to be the best lover you can be? Check out these babies:
1. Missionary Done Right
It might have a reputation as the so-called boring sex position, but it can arguably be the best one for women to achieve orgasm. In fact, most women will say good ol’ fashioned missionary is their very favorite of all positions (followed closely by doggy, which we’ll get to later, bro). “There’s nothing fancy about it, but many women say they love the closeness and the intimacy of having their partner’s weight on them,” Singer explains. “It also gives them the ability to kiss, talk and nibble — not to mention a lot of clit stimulation.” But before you hop on and start moving up and down, Singer encourages men to work on the angle. “Instead of going straight in and out, you should be going diagonally. There’s more friction for clitoral stimulation this way, which is how most women achieve orgasm.”
In its essence, mutually satisfying one another orally seems simple enough. Sex and relationship expert Dr. Kat Van Kirk begs to differ. “Lots of men think that getting into 69 is just a matter of flipping directions. In actuality, there’s a bit more nuance required,” she explains. She says there are a few things to get the hang of (with practice, of course): not putting too much pressure on your partner while moving positions, watching where your testicles are (no one wants to get slapped in the face mid-orgasm), good hygiene and that you don’t thrust too deep inside of her that it gets her out of the mood. Remember, it’s about both of you getting turned on and preparing for sex — not just about getting a blow job in a new position.
There’s no doubt about it, the view from girl-on-top riding is pretty great and probably makes you incredibly turned on. But while that straddle is intense for you, to give her the same satisfaction, it’s important to be present throughout the experience. “Touch her clit, fondle her breasts and pull her toward you for a passionate kiss while you raise your hips up and down,” Singer says. Just like you don’t like when your partner isn’t fully engaged in sex, your girl wants to know how passionate you’re feeling in positions too. Singer also says cowgirl is a good chance for you to work on sexual power balance because you’re letting your lady take the lead, all while showing her how it’s working for you.
4. The Crisscross
You may not recognize the name, but you’ll definitely remember how it feels: you’re both lying down, she’s on her back and you’re on her side. She drapes her legs over your middle to make a giant X. Your bodies aren’t pressed against each other, but you can still penetrate her (with your member or with a vibrator) while playing with her clit and breasts, too. “This position is a very useful and valuable position as it allows you to give her total down-there stimulation and great orgasms, and some sounds that’ll get you turned on and ready for another round,” Singer says.
5. Ankles Up
Depending on your size (no shame, bro!), you can’t always achieve full penetration in standard missionary. This is why most men will lift their partner’s legs up in the air to get in deeper. Singer says learning how to do this effectively — and in a sexy, intimate way — is important to master. “Put her ankles up over your shoulders because this allows you to go as deep inside of her as possible and hit her G-spot,” Singer says. “The best part of this is that it’s a take on missionary, so you’ll still be able to maintain eye contact, which is something you’ll both enjoy.”
6. Sex Against A Wall
Dr. Van Kirk says many women enjoy the fantasy of being taken up against a wall. “It’s considered a very virile, masculine position where she surrenders to your shear strength and magnetism so much that you can’t even make it into the next room,” she says. But the act of actually making that come true? Well, it can be tricky. As unsexy as it may be to prepare before this happens — some things can only be so spontaneous, sorry — Dr. Van Kirk says to make sure there are no paintings or hangings on the wall. And also that the wall can hold her weight without her hitting her head or you having to stand on your tiptoes. And instead of fondling her everywhere, Van Kirk says to hold her under her hips so she can feel airborne without worrying about falling.
When you’re both sitting down and are able to move chest-to-chest, you both feel connected, intimate and engaged in the act. A take on simply sitting on a chair while she’s on top is what Singer calls the Cross-Legged position. “You don’t need to be flexible enough to sit completely cross-legged like a pretzel, you just need to be able to get into a seated position with your erection facing up. From here, she’ll sit in your lap, facing you and wrapping her legs around your hips/waist,” she explains. “You’ll achieve maximum penetration and she can be fully in control either riding you or rocking her hips while she holds onto your shoulders for support.” This one lets both of you take a front seat to having control and varying your speed, intensity and moans to make sure both of you finish to the end.
8. Enjoying Couple’s Porn Instead of XXX
There’s a time and place for nearly every type of porn, but if you’re trying to become a better sex partner, some of the videos you have bookmarked aren’t going to teach you the skills you actually need to learn. In fact, they could cause you to suffer. “Don’t rely on the porn tubes as examples of what will turn your gal on. In most cases, she is not going to appreciate your newly found ‘anal pile driving while you gag her, slap her and call her a bitch’ move,” Singer says. “Most relationships need to sort of work up to that, if at all. Your best bet is to visit some ‘porn for women’ websites and watch movies directed by women that focus on mutually satisfying sex between couples. These provide a lot of ideas, but set in the context of passionate sex with chemistry between the performers.” We bet it’s the kind of porn your girl won’t mind watching with you before things get hot.