One thing my AskApril.com advice forum proves is that women wish their partners could just telepathically pick up on their secret sexual desires. The reality is, most of us feel more uncomfortable and awkward talking about sex than we do actually having it. Many (dare I say most?) of us have no idea what the person we’re having sex with really wants — or doesn’t want.
And finding out what a woman secretly wants can be quite a challenge — especially when it comes to the dirty things she wants to do. No two women are the same in this regard. But the good news is that if you are willing to take the plunge and open the conversation, and combine it with respectful exploration and acceptance that there will be some trial and error, then the payoff will be huge.
1. She Wants To Talk Dirty
Dirty talk is powerful. Because it’s taboo and charged with desire, naughty words and phrases can electrify an otherwise vanilla encounter with your girlfriend. A few carefully chosen four letter words uttered by you to convey the intensity of the moment — say, in reference to the way she’s moving on you (think: “F*ck yes”) — can help push her over the edge. So, too, can a few provocative sentences, like, “You’re such a bad girl, aren’t you?”
Pay attention to what she responds to — and how. For instance, some women may love being called naughty names during the heat of passion, while others may recoil upon hearing those kinds of words. It may take some honest discussions before you jump beneath the sheets together to get a grasp on which words are off limits.
2. She Wants Uncontrollable Desire
Feeling wanted by the man she adores (that would be you) is incredibly arousing to most women. In a study conducted by Cynthia A. Graham, Ph.D., women ranked feeling desired by their partners as a key source of arousal. Let her know how badly you crave her when she least expects it, to heighten her feelings for you. Send a naughty text message to her during the day. A simple “I can’t stop thinking about you,” or “Do you have any idea how much you turn me on?” can do the trick.
Better yet, get specific: “When you stepped out of the shower this morning I could barely contain myself. I can’t wait to get my hands on you tonight.” Or, “So distracted by that sexy dress you wore when you left for work today. Your colleagues must be drooling ;).” When you have her alone, whisper in her ear all the things you find delicious about her — her scent, her skin, the way she moves, or her laugh. Throw in a few respectable squeezes of her thighs, a firm arm around her shoulders or waist, and a passionate kiss — then, if you’re strong enough pick her up and carry her into the bedroom. Or put her on the kitchen counter, your desk, the bathroom sink, you get the idea…
3. She Wants You to Use A Vibrator On Her
OK, we all know the image of the woman surprising her man by greeting him in a trench coat — with nothing underneath. But surprising her with a 9-inch dildo when you’re laying in bed naked is not what I would recommend as a way of introducing a toy or two. If you’re new to using sex toys together, and not sure how she’ll react, try one of my favorite lines, “Sweetheart, I read this article — what do you think … Maybe it would be fun to try? A boyfriend who demonstrates his desire to give her more pleasure, by introducing a toy will likely find the woman he’s aiming to please brimming with gratitude and, possibly, begging for more.
Apart from being a tool to make your girlfriend go wild, they can also enhance your own sexual pleasure: A 2010 study spearheaded by Indiana University’s Michael Reece and published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that men who incorporate vibrators (and other toys) into romantic encounters with their partners report having better orgasms. Many women find the act of performing for their partners a major turn on, but others may need a bit of encouragement. Telling her how hot and sexy she is and that there is no greater turn on for you than seeing her naked is a great place to start.