Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a reader whose husband is cheating on her and the other woman is HIV positive!
Please can you give me some advice as I am not sure what to do. I have been married for two years in a traditional ceremony according to my culture. I have not lived with my husband for a year and a half, only seeing him one weekend a month due to his ‘work’ commitments.
I was living in a different province to him but I moved down over the last six months to begin living with him. Things were always good when we saw each other before, with him taking me out and always arriving with a little gift or treat for me.
Now that we are living together, he just seems to take me for granted
He expects his hot meal every night when he walks in and complains that I am a bad wife if this is not so.
I’m not a traditional girl and don’t see why I should always be cooking, which I actually hate doing and work as many hours as he does out of the home. He knows this, and when he came to visit before I never had to cook as we ate out or got takeaways.
Last month I discovered that he is having an affair!
He has been carrying on with this woman from even before our families arranged our marriage. He says that it is just physical and I mustn’t worry about it. He has no intention of stopping it.
Not only is the girlfriend also pregnant, but she is HIV positive too
As if things could not get worse, I have just discovered that I am pregnant. Now it turns out that not only is the girlfriend also pregnant, but she is HIV positive too.
When I confronted my husband about this he says that he will support both the babies. He already has a two other children from two past relationships! He doesn’t support these children so I don’t see what will be different now.
Not only did he willingly cheat on me, he did so without protection, knowing his HIV status!
Does he think so little of me that he would potentially kill me? I am awaiting my test results but I really don’t know what to do. Please tell me how I can make him change.
Thank you for your letter. You are certainly having the equivalent of a bad hair year, never mind day!
I’m sure that while you only saw your husband every weekend things were idyllic. You missed each other all month and then got to fall into each other’s arms for the weekend! Well, your husband made sure to practise the falling-into-arms bit in between, so as not to get rusty.
When you chatted about how your months had been, I’m assuming he didn’t say, I’ve been working hard, changed the car oil and serviced my stukkie on the side…he probably omitted that bit of information and instead brought you gifts and happy meals. Do you think he may have been compensating for something?
Now the romance is gone and you are expected to cook every night. It seems your man is from the Neanderthal clan that subscribes to do what you like, when you like, with who you like because you’re man.
Your Neanderthal doesn’t care about using protection or infecting woman with his inferior DNA or disease. I understand that you feel betrayed and shocked at how selfish he is.
You can speak to the elders who arranged your wedding but it really doesn’t seem like your (by which I mean anyone who will take him) man is interested in changing. Perhaps you realise this and so ask how you can make him change.
Only one thing makes a man like this change. That would entail a homemade necklace or keychain that you make from his severed…#mrsbobbit.
He married you in compliance with the arrangements made. This is not about you falling short or not measuring up. He was cheating on you all along. This is about him being too short… I mean, falling short.
He is not going to change. I think that you should
Remember your value and what you deserve. As a rule woman should not cook for fussy eaters, open-mouth chewers, and people who try and kill them.
Having unprotected sex with someone when you know you are HIV positive is in fact a criminal offence and you can lay a charge of attempted murder against him. You can also sue him for maintenance to support your child.
You are beautiful!
Love and blessings